I fell over the other day. I was playing tennis with Tom Evans my illustrious co host and dear friend!!!
We were doing our best to look like Federer & Murray as we flung ourselves around court six at Wickwoods with all the aplomb and grace of a couple of drunk tramps trying to keep the flies away from the food they had just taken from the bins behind Wagamamas, and then I lost it………… Tom had gone for a lob but it was falling short, sitting perfectly 10 feet in the air primed for me to deliver a perfect Sampras style smash. I ran forward like a man possessed, charging the ball like William Wallace the original Braveheart charging the English all them years ago in a field in Glasgow or somewhere. I leaped…. swung my racket head at the ball….. then just at the perfect moment……. I tripped on my shoelace and fell Arse over Tit into a pathetic heap on the floor, Tom suppressed his laughter, the people on court 5 did not!!
It did not look cool in fact I have decide that it deserves a place in my top 5 things that you will never ever ever look cool doing & that list looks like this.
5) Being fast asleep
4) Falling over on a tennis or any other kind of court including magistrate ( yes I speak from experience ).
3) Running for any type of public transport & missing it.
2) Walking on a pebbly beach in barefoot
1) Trying to shoo a wasp away from your food in a pub garden.
As I write this it dawns on me that I have done all of these in the last month so the realisation has hit me that after 39 years on this earth I am not cool!! That hurts.
You would never see Johnny Depp shooing away a wasp he would just catch it and place onto a rose-bush, Justin Timberlake can not only run but dance on pebbles and there is no way James Dean would have ever fallen over playing any game ever.
Never mind though eh it could be worse………………………… I could be Tom!!!!